The Power of Positive Thinking That Led to a Day I will Never Forget

During the writing process, music was always my constant. Whether it was playing on my laptop, on my phone, or in my ears I always had to have something in the background. Apparently the white noise of life is just not enough to get the writing juices flowing for me.  Often, when lost for the right words, I would stop and focus on the song that was playing and it gave my mind a chance to catch up with the story and spark the next part that I was working on.

I have a few writing playlists that I would use and I have thanked a few of the main artists that I would listen to in the back of my book.  
In January 2012 I stumbled across Gavin Degraw on Youtube. His song "Not Over You" was always on my writing playlists and I wanted to check out more of his music.  Little did I know what I was getting myself into (8 concerts, 3 times meeting him and his entire collection of songs on my ipod later).

At that time, I had been writing for a year and still had a long way to go.  The story didn't have an ending and I wasn't really sure I would even finish it. 
Adding Gavin's songs to my writing playlist helped to transform my writing in so many ways!  I would sit at my kitchen table with his songs on shuffle and Ava and Jack's story began to come to an end. Then came editing and revising and finally working on publishing. 

During the publishing process I typed out the acknowledgments page and felt very strongly about thanking the musicians that had traveled this journey with me. I knew that Gavin's section had to be special because there was just always something about his music that touched me, particularly in writing the final chapters.

When I finally convinced myself to publish the book a tiny voice in the back of my head told me that I should give a copy of it to Gavin and thank him for his musical inspirations.  I went to a concert in December and carried 2 books with me, hoping that I would get the chance to run into him after the show. Unfortunately I didn't get that chance. Seeing him twice in April, the books again tucked away in my purse. In Atlantic City I almost had the opportunity as he came out to the lingering crowd to meet fans, but never made it down to the end where I was standing.  I never let myself get disappointed as I knew that at some point I would get the opportunity to meet him again and give him a copy of the book and have him sign my copy. I had no idea when that would happen but I just knew one day it would and I wasn't going to let myself get down about it.

In late June I stumbled across a contest for tickets and meet and greet to his show in Portsmouth, Virginia. Many long, grueling hours of watching 125 videos each day (among other time consuming things) and 3 weeks later I was victorious!  I would finally get a change to meet him and have a few minutes of his always undivided attention! There are no words to describe my joy so I am not even going to try :)

July 27, 2014 rolled around and my friend Vickie and I were heading to the venue to meet him! 

I had spent so much time rehearsing in my head what I was going to say to him but never once did I ever think about his reaction! I told him that a few years ago, as a hobby, I began writing a story. His eyes got big and he said, "Wow that is some hobby!" I told him that while I wrote I listened to his music and thanked him for his inspiration.  He was blown away and kept thanking me. I handed him a copy of the book and told him that a year ago I published the book and thanked him in the acknowledgments. He high-fived me and seemed genuinely grateful.  I also asked him to sign my copy of the book.  He gladly took it and I watched as he wrote "To Kristin" I was just expecting him to sign his name but he paused before he wrote anything else as if he were thinking.  Then he wrote "I'm so proud of you. Congrats!" and signed his name. When I saw that I started shaking, I just couldn't believe it!! What happened after that is all a fog, I think I completely blacked out because I can remember very little.  I think he said, let's take a picture, and I said something about holding my book in the picture. I don't remember putting my arm around him but was very aware of how much I was shaking. I haven't seen the picture yet but I am sure I have to biggest smile on my face!  I probably thanked him yet again but have no recollection of saying goodbye to him, I was so out of my head at that point!

As I left one of the security guys was holding my purse and he said to me something like "That was a great marketing move." I was immediately shocked and pissed and replied, "That is NOT what it was at all!" It made me really mad for about 30 seconds and then I decided to forget about it because I know my truth and I know that this was very very personal for me and nothing more! 
I have no idea if Gavin has read what I wrote in thanks to him or if he will ever read the story but knowing that I was able to share with him this part of me is and will always be so special! 
The concert was amazing as always and as long as Gavin is making music and touring, this fan will be in the audience supporting him! I truly believe that the universe aligned to make this happen because I put it out there. I was always positive that one day it would happen but I never imagined it would be now!                              

Forever Grateful! 

Did Double Sunset invade MY dream!

***This post may contain a few minor spoilers.  I will try to limit the details for anyone who hasn't read the story yet but it will not give away anything major. I am not sure if I already told this story in past posts but it's amusing me so I will tell it again if so. 

I just finished reading Double Sunset for probably the 100th time. I don't know why I felt like I wanted to read it again other than I have really been missing Ava and Jack's world.  I cringed at a lot of the writing and had to force myself to not think about the things I wanted to go back and edit and change and just enjoy the story I created and love so much!  Even though I know the story inside out and backwards I still loved getting to know my characters just a little bit more.
As I was reading I remembered a funny story from the editing process that I wanted to write about because it makes me laugh and I don't want to forget about it.  I can't really remember exactly when it happened but at some point during the very end stages of editing, perhaps even right before I published, I thought I had added a scene in which Katherine goes to see John before he leaves. 
I remember in great detail writing about Katherine sneaking out of the house very early in the morning to just get a look at John before he goes.  She hides behind the outhouse waiting to catch a glimpse of him as he left the house.  She gets a surprise when he comes out of the outhouse and goes down to his house.  She sneaks to the window and overhears a conversation between John and his Ma where he tells her to watch over and take care of Katherine while he is gone.  Katherine then sneaks back to her house and into the barn where her father catches her.
Now I clearly remember typing this all up and so vividly remember every detail of it.  However, I cannot find it anywhere.  I thought for sure I had added it into the story, or was going to. But it is no where to be found on any of my computers or files.  The only thing I can think is that I dreamt it but even that is so odd to me as I don't remember it as a dream at all but it is entirely possible that I did dream it all up.  I had often had dreams about Ava and Jack or Katherine and John while I was writing but none so vivid.  I had myself completely convinced that I had written this up and a part of me still believes it is somewhere in a file. The waters of my memory are so muddy about it.
The scene was so beautiful and clear in my mind and I hope that one day I will either really write it out or find it hidden somewhere.  
The mind is a funny place and perhaps this was just meant to be an extension of my characters that I have come to love.  Either way it is a part of the story I cherish, even if it didn't make it into the book.
I am really struggling to write another book.  I have an idea but can't seem to get writing.  I am hoping that rereading Double Sunset will help to get my writing juices flowing! I have the utmost respect for writers that can churn out new stories year after year. I may never write another one, I really don't know at this point, but either way is ok with me because I will continue to write in some way and I will always have the love of my first story, my first characters. They will always be a part of me! 
<3
Kristin 

And on to the Next One!

I think the life of Double Sunset has run its course.  This isn't a bad thing because it has brought me such indescribable joy and taught me invaluable lessons about myself.  

I'm slowly starting to set my sights on the next one, dragging behind me the experiences and memories of one of the most special times in my life.  I'm excited about seeing where the next book will take me.  Just like its "sister" story, it will change and grow and expand and deepen as the process chugs along.

I have no idea what the story is yet, very similar to the beginnings of DS. I have settled on a genre, I know the characters and the setting and bits and pieces of what I want to have happen but certainly not a plan to get there or an end in mind.  Maybe I am not meant to plan out a story first, this must be my writing style.  I think I would feel bogged down if I knew the beginning, the middle and the end and had to figure out how to get the characters through that particular journey, like solving a puzzle. I've never been good at puzzles.

This may be the most valuable thing I have learned from the DS experience.  My whole life has felt like this, it is familiar to me.  It is the reason I can't shop with coupons, keep an organized house, plan meals or keep a detailed schedule.  I am not a "see the whole picture" kinda gal. I prefer to just let life take me along because I become too bogged down with the details if I don't. 

I have also realized that this second story is not as easy to write.  Or did I feel this way at the beginning of writing Double Sunset?  I'm sure I did, it's all relative after all.  

The best part is that I have no restrictions on time or content.  I might be writing this story for the rest of my life or it could easily slide out in the next 6 months.  That is the beauty of it for me.  I will take time to allow the story to evolve. When I can, I will sit down and write pieces that jump into my head and eventually, just as it was with Double Sunset, I will see the story telling itself. That is the thrilling part for me, the part that makes me love being a writer!  The part that keeps me writing! But most of all I am excited about the "gifts" I will receive along the way! (see blog post 6) 

I think all too often (and in light of the state of the education system today) we create boxes out of our lives.  We are told how we are to do things, from how we should dress to how we should go about achieving success.  In math you have to follow these formulas, these patterns or this process to achieve a goal. Maybe this is why math and I have never clicked- sorry math we just don't. 

I always thought if I wrote a book I would have to map the story out first and know certain things in advance like the characters, the setting, the problem and solution, the rising action, the falling action, the climax blah blah blah you get the picture.  These are the things I had painstakingly taught my 5th graders and I truly believe that these are important for the majority of writers. These steps get the job done I would never disagree with that.  I am pretty sure that most writers who become very successful follow this same type of process. I am also pretty sure that I would never have written a story if I had forced myself to follow these steps. Instead I followed a different way, yes a risky one, but the one that works for me! 

So my writing toolbox may look very different than other writers but I wouldn't trade it. I am glad that I took the road less traveled and didn't allow myself to be put in a box. HMMM maybe that will be a "theme" for my new story :) 

Happy writing y'all~

Rudyard Lake- There wouldn't have been a story without it

Ava and Jack's story all started when I came across Rudyard Lake on Google Maps.  Sometimes when I am bored I go on Google Maps and travel around the world. Being a single teacher, it is probably safe to say that I may never get to see places like The Grand Canyon, Hollywood, The Rocky Mountains, New England in the fall, England, Germany, Australia....
But I have visited all of these places on my computer.  So when I was thinking about writing a story I was also at the same time traveling through England on Google Maps and came across Rudyard Lake.

I am not a beach girl- the sand, the waves, the burning sun are not my thing.  But give me a crisp lake with mountains or trees surrounding it and I am in heaven.  I couldn't tell you what it was about this lake that peaked my curiosity but before I knew it I was down to street level exploring as much as I could of this lake.  I found the website and was fascinated by everything I read.  The tie in to Rudyard Kipling also captivated me as I have always loved poems and in particular the poem, If, by Rudyard Kipling, which makes an appearance in the book!

At this point I knew I had found my setting. I would write a story about a young girl who goes to live on Rudyard Lake for the summer and well... you know the rest.

When I would get stuck during the writing process I would often visit the Rudyard Lake website -www.rudyardlake.com and do some more research. Several times I had come across the Rudyard Lake Steam Railway and eventually I added that into the story as well. - www.rlsr.org

Not long after I published Double Sunset I went to the website and clicked "contact us" and quickly wrote and email telling them that I had written a story set on the lake. 

 Hello, I live in Baltimore, Maryland USA. a year and a half ago I started writing a fiction                       story and used Rudyard Lake as my setting. I have never been to the lake or England but                       fell in love with it\'s beauty on google maps and through this website. The story is                                   available on Amazon Kindle. It is called Double Sunset and also includes the summer solstice double sunset that can be seen from near the lake. The steam railway is in the book as well. I wanted you to know about my book and thank you for letting me use the lake and it's surroundings as my setting for my story. One day I hope to visit and see just where my characters lived. 

Kristin Smith Novak 

Double Sunset by Kristin Smith

I really didn't expect a reply and was completely blown away when Ray Perry, Chairman of the Rudyard Lake Trust replied the next day! (yes another happy crying moment for me).

Hi Kristin 

Many thanks for advising regarding your publication, seems you really did your homework and got to know the area even though you have never visited?

I look forward to reading it & will share my experience with others around the Lake in the hope that they will download it too & who knows you may become so successful a writer that a ticket to Rudyard will be just pocket money!

I hope so & then we can all meet you & show you around.

Yours is just the kind of story that our local newspapers just love & if you could provide me with a little more information about yourself, ideally a photo holding your book, I will be only too pleased to put a piece together & who knows it could lead to some more sales for you?

Will be pleased to assist & look forward to meeting you one day in the not too distant future I hope!

Good Luck,

Best wishes

Ray Perry

Chairman

The Rudyard Lake Trust

PS my grand daughter who is just coming up to 3 is called Ava!

I hope Ray doesn't mind that I included his email here but I had to include it to share this wonderful moment!

Several email correspondences later I began to refer to Ray as "My good friend Ray from England." He was so encouraging and thoughtful!  I sent him my story of writing the book and before I knew it he was emailing to tell me that my story would be in the local papers!  Yes more tears!! 

Ray sent me a copy of the paper and I absolutely have no words to describe the joy reading it!  The communication with Ray over the past 6 months have been so much fun!  He sent me a Rudyard Lake Calendar, pictures and a DVD of Rudyard Lake in the 1940's. It would be absolutely beyond my wildest dreams to ever be able to go there and put my feet in the lake and meet Ray! 

I have had so many blessings surrounding this book but reaching out to the Lake and making a connection has been one of my very favorite parts! I am so glad that I thought to reach out and let people at the Lake know I wrote this story.

Sometimes in life we make decisions that open us up to the world! 

And the Journey Just Kept Getting Better

After publishing to Kindle, I was completely unprepared for what followed.  I had never given any thought to how people would react and therefore I was not prepared for how I would react. I felt like I was living in an alternate universe. Everyday I would receive comments from friends and family about this endeavor. I found that most people were still not able to read it because they did not have a Kindle or weren't comfortable reading it on a device of some sort. I have exclusively read all of my books (well over 30) on my iphone for the past 2 years and silly me thought that others had caught up to this technology as well.  I guess there is still something to be said for opening a book and feeling the cover and the turn of the pages that some people will never be able to let go of.  
So my next dilemma was how to get paperback copies so that more people (including my Mom and Dad) could read the story.  I knew that I wasn't ready to query publishing houses- I had neither the time, the skill or the money needed to do so.  Back to researching I went and very quickly found that Amazon has a sister company that will print your book on demand.  www.createspace.com will take your uploaded file and print as many copies as you want and they will link to Amazon so paperback copies can be ordered there as well.  Was I dreaming?  This can't be accurate?
Well it was, it I found the process to be very easy!  I worked on editing some more, to correct more errors that I had found while reading the kindle version and set about uploading my file to Create Space.  They even had a template to design a cover.  I tried so hard to make Sandy's beautiful artwork fit with the template, but the words kept getting cut off on the top and bottom.  I was sad and discouraged because I really wanted to use her cover. Having given up on being able to use it, I started to search through the stock photos they had available.  I found the perfect picture and could not believe how well it fit with the content of the story.  There was a lake and a setting sun- was I dreaming?  This was too good to be true! When the picture was placed on the cover and I added the title and my name, I once again cried- what a very surreal moment! 

I ordered a proof copy to review and patiently waited for it to arrive.  All I wanted was to hold my book in my hands!  When it finally came, I was once again crying as I flipped through the pages seeing the words I had written so beautifully displayed!  Yes I guess there is something to be said for holding a book in your hands, feeling the cover and turning the pages!
I spent that weekend reading through it and making note of more changes. I couldn't believe, with as many times it had been edited already by me and Amy, how many small errors I still found. Once I had made those changes to the uploaded copy I was able to order a few more copies.
Finally my Mom was able to read the story!  This was very exciting for me and I loved talking to her and my Dad about the whole process.  Their excitement was my excitement and it was such a great experience for them to finally see what I had kept hidden for so long.
My Mom's words to me, after she had finished reading the story, were the best words I have ever heard- "I began reading it because it was you who wrote it.  I finished reading it because it was a great story."  It made me so happy to know that she genuinely loved the story and not just because her daughter wrote it.  This boosted my confidence a little more.
To this day, I am still blown away by the positive reviews I have received. When I published it, I still was unsure about the story and if people would like it or how they would respond to it.  6 months later, I am still overwhelmed when someone tells me how much they loved it! 
My Mom became my next editor, finding a few more tiny errors that I quickly fixed and then ordered more copies and began to promote the book through Amazon. I literally floated through the fall and can only remember a few other times in my life that I had felt so satisfied and completely happy. I think this is the real reason I wrote this book- to fill my life in a way that I hadn't been able to before.  
There is still so much more to share about this time in my life and next time I will detail contacting Rudyard Lake- as if publishing Double Sunset weren't thrilling enough, the response I received from England overflowed my cup!
I'm signing off with such a smile remembering back to September and all the excitement! 
Until next time,
I'm working on book 2- shhh don't tell anyone! 

Publishing- a strange new world

Summer 2013

Throughout the whole process of writing Double Sunset I was very protective of my story.  Sharing it with anyone was extremely difficult for me.  When I first began writing I didn't want anyone to know.  I was almost embarrassed to tell people I was writing a book.  I can't explain the feeling properly but for some strange reason I felt the need to keep it close.  I didn't want the questions, the expectations, what if I never finished it? Telling my family and trusted friends was the first step, even though it was difficult.  Had I not shared it with a few people I may not have finished it.
I never had a good grasp on whether it was good or not. I loved it but I am not a trained writer and had no idea how other people would take it.  I think having Amy edit it and slowly telling friends helped me to step out of the shield of protection and accept that maybe other people would want to read it. 
I am not sure when it happened, but sometime in early June I realized that it was ok if not everyone loved it, or even liked it.  I thought about how many books I had read and just didn't like.  Once I accepted that not everyone would like my story and that it was perfectly ok, I became more comfortable with telling people I had written a book. Even saying that now, after all this time, is slightly foreign to me. 
I wanted my Mom, and other friends, to read it and I knew that she wouldn't read it in a Word document on the computer so I began to research publishing options.  Everything I read was very discouraging. It is extremely difficult to get a publishing company to accept your manuscript. I was expected to send out hundreds of "queries", which are short, detailed synopsis of your story to send to publishing houses. The thought of writing a query was daunting and I wasn't sure I could do it.  I was discouraged and not sure I had to time, energy or money needed to send my queries to multiple publishing houses.  Everything I read was discouraging and took the fun out of it for me. I really didn't think publishing was going to be an option for me.
Well somewhere in my research I came across a blog detailing self-publishing on Amazon for FREE!  Immediately I was consumed with this possibility.  Without giving it much thought, I dove head first into the world of self publishing.  Amazon made it very easy, but it wasn't an easy process at all, if that makes any sense.  I downloaded a book from Amazon called Building your Book for Kindle.  I finally had a place to start.
I spent the month of July preparing my manuscript. Most of my formatting had to change as well as adding things like a linked table of contents, copyright page and acknowledgments.   I think by the time I was finished I felt like I had received a masters degree in publishing a Kindle book. 
For some reason I was consumed with the cover of the book.  I had yet to submit my book to Amazon but was stressing over how to get a book cover.  Enter once again my good friend, Sandy.  She offered to create a cover and I was thrilled! I knew exactly what I wanted it to look like and had fun trying to explain it to Sandy so that she could sketch it out.  Several test runs later we had a beautiful cover for Double Sunset! 

It was exactly what I wanted and I loved it!! For those of you who have read the book, Katherine and John are at the top with the first sunset.  Ava and Jack are on the bottom with the second setting of the sun.  Sandy did an amazing job.
So now the story formatted, all the parts of a book completed and cover art done. 
While I was in the process, I began to think about how I would tell people that I had just published a book.  So many people had no idea and the few that did were sworn to secrecy! I chose August 15th as my reveal date because that is my grandmother's birthday and I thought it was symbolic of 1117.  
So began to have a little fun with it- On July 27th I posted this on Facebook:

I am going to have some pretty exciting news on August 15th!! I can't wait to share it- and no I'm not pregnant or getting married  And those of you who know.... keep your trap closed!!  #18days

And the fun began!  All of the speculation from friends and family!! Some more clues followed: 

And I'm not telling anyone until the 15th!!! You are not going to get it out of me so don't try!! It's has nothing to do with the following: Gavin Degraw, Halstead, my house, my job or my girls.  #thisisgoingtobefun

Big news update- 1 person has guessed correctly and she has been sworn to secrecy. #16days

#15days until my big announcement- I think in preparation I will watch the sunset tonight! (oh was that a hint? Maybe, maybe not!)

Hey this might work as today's #14days clue? Perhaps!! 

I had so much fun fielding the questions and possibilities!  Everyone seemed so clueless at to what it could be!  Finally on August 10th I uploaded my revised manuscript to Amazon.  It took about 24 hours for it to go live.  When I searched for Double Sunset on Amazon and saw my book and my name I cried, I was so happy!  I immediately went to Facebook for the big reveal (4 days early)

IT'S TIME!!! I am not going to make anyone wait any longer! Today is the day that I announce that I am now a published indie author!! I wrote a fiction book and have published it on Amazon Kindle! Follow the link to the book's Facebook page, like the page and share it with your friends. The link for the download is in the "about" section. This has been a long journey for me and I am so happy to share it with you all!! Special thanks to Amy Smith Bittnerfor editing and Sandy Grim Rossi for the wonderful cover art! Here we go!!https://www.facebook.com/pages/Double-Sunset/199854833508937

To say that I was blown away by the response is an understatement!  This time in my life was the most thrilling, awkward, exciting and humbling experience I had ever gone through! I am blown away but the support of my friends and family and above all the support of Ava, Jack, Katherine and John who live in my soul!!

This journey has been one I will never forget, one that has helped to define me as a person and most importantly one that has given me my life and my happiness back after so many difficult years!  I am forever grateful for Rudyard Lake, Ava Banks, Jack Hollings, Katherine Adkins and John Cooper! 

Next time- What happens AFTER you publish a book to Kindle? Finding a place to publish paperback copies of course! 

Writing, Writing and more Writing

I have found that writing calms me down.  The words flow from my head, through my fingers to the keys and onto the "paper".  I don't often plan what I am going to write, I just write- it just comes out.  I can write and write and then I go back and edit and make changes.  But it's the writing itself that takes me away to another place, a place locked away in my head yet oh so far away.  Each sentence forms itself as I think it and as I think it I type it simultaneously.  It is in the planning that I get distracted and things don't flow. I get bogged down in the process and lose the creativity.  I'm not sure if this is a normal style of writing but it is what works for me.  It is the exhilarating part, when I can let the words shape the characters which shape the story.

So I think I left off around the winter of 2013.  I was writing A LOT! I would spend hours on the weekends tapping out the keys and shaping the lives of my characters.  The train station and the double sunset had been woven into the story and I was beginning to see more substance and fluff and filler and content shaping the lives of Ava and Jack.  They became clearer in my mind.

At this point my sister, Amy Bitter, was reading through the story for the first time as I was working on the ending.  Thank God for Dropbox!  After we worked out a few kinks, she was able to edit right on the copy I was working from.  Oh technology how I love you! 

The ending was really bugging me.  I had no idea how I wanted to tie it all together and finish. The more I thought about it, the harder it was to visualize how Ava and Jack would finish their tale. I spent many hours thinking about it and just couldn't figure it out.

So I just started writing again.  I let my mind clear and I let Ava and Jack tell their story.  As I put the finishing touches on the ending it just all came together, without any planning.  Ava and Jack created the ending for me.  It was their story and as I wrote every open piece of the story came together at the end.  The ending is by far my favorite part and I am most proud of it!

At some point during this whole process I decided that I needed to have some trusted readers to give me feedback.  I had a desire to know if this story was any good at all.  Of course I loved it but would other people? I decided to ask two friends to read it.  Both are avid readers and I knew that I could trust them to give me the information I needed.  With a few instructions as to what I was looking for, Jen Kuessner and Jen Bethke read what I had written.  Their feedback was invaluable!!  I really enjoyed talking about the story with them and the constructive criticism was just what I needed and wanted. They gave me a readers perspective which helped me in the revising process.  It was exactly what I needed to help me focus my revising! 

Sometime early spring I think I had the story as a whole finally written.  Amy had been busy editing and now came my task of going back through her edits and making changes. I started at the beginning and began reading through the story for probably the 100th time.  This time I made changes to grammar, sentence structure and punctuation- mostly punctuation! I learned very quickly that I am not very good with commas.  I think I just throw them in every now and again.  Thankfully Amy, and my niece Megan, have a pretty good handle on commas! 

Amy ended up going through the whole story twice to make edits- God bless her!!  I read through and revised at least twice and each time I would add in a little something new or change something and I really enjoyed this process as a whole.  However, I could have edited and revised forever!  I could always find something to change or reword or add or delete.  I found myself getting very caught up in revising and had to make a conscious effort to just stop and call the story finished.  This wasn't easy to do as there was something safe about editing and revising. 

I think it was early June when I forced myself to stop and call the story finished.  Reading through it just one more time, I was really satisfied with the final story.  So now what?  I hadn't really thought about the next steps, I was just happy to have it finished. Yet it didn't feel finished to me.  A very small part of me wanted to share it with others, a small part that was beginning to grow.

Next time- How I got up the nerve to share it with more people.  

On Change (in light of recent developments in my life)- A reflection on my teaching career.

If there is one thing I've learned from writing this book- When staring at a blank page, or unfinished chapter, what is to come of it is unknown and only I have the power to continue and make it into something.

Last week I found out that I would no longer be working in the position that I have had for 10 years. This has been a tremendous professional and personal blow for me and one again I am staring at an unfinished chapter, having no idea where it is going to go.

The past 5 years at Halstead Academy in Baltimore County Public Schools have been the best of my 22 years in the county.  When I first walked through the doors of Halstead, for some odd reason, I felt at home and complete.  I felt that my story was written that day, signed sealed and published.  This was where I was going to stay for the rest of my career. I felt it in the students I have come to love.  I felt it in the best friends I have made among my fellow teachers.  I felt it in the challenges I faced to learn and share my technology knowledge with students and staff.  And I felt it in the changing administration that have made Halstead Academy a place of learners for all.  While I love what I do at Halstead, I love the students even more.  I spent Friday looking at these students individually.  Students who have challenged me, taught me and yes sometimes frustrated me. My love for these students makes contemplating leaving there so much harder to bear.

I have been very fortunate in my career.  My 5 years at Victory Villa were the best years in terms of being a classroom teacher and having the opportunity to work with an amazing team that taught me what co-teaching and sharing are all about. Allison and Cindy you will always be a part of my team! You have taught me more about friendship and teamwork then I ever could have learned anywhere else.

When I left the classroom to become a technology teacher I had no idea what I was doing.  I did, however, know that I loved it!  I was so fortunate to work with Pat Quinn who showed me the ropes and helped me to develop not only my technology teacher skills but also my love of troubleshooting technology issues and learning as I go.  Pat taught me to have confidence in myself and I always say- "I learned everything I know from her." (and that I miss her- Pat I have I told you that recently?)

So when I came to Halstead, I had a wealth of experiences under my belt and every one of those experiences helped to shape the teacher I became at Halstead.  It hasn't always been easy but it has been the most rewarding experience I could have ever hoped for. And now change is on the horizon once again.  My blank page is before me and I have no idea what will be written on it.

I have no idea if I will be a classroom teacher next year or in some other position.  I don't know if I will even continue my employment with Baltimore County.   I do not know if I will be fortunate enough to stay at Halstead or begin, yet again, at another school.  Being the author of my own story means that I know where I want the "characters" to head but sometimes (as I learned from Ava and Jack) the story writes itself.  I know exactly what I would do with my job if I were to write the story. Unfortunately I am not writing this part of the story, maybe that is why I am struggling with this.  So much of my future is out of my control right now.  This is unsettling for many reasons and unlike writing a book, I can't shape my career the way I would like at this point.

I wrote in my previous post about "gifts" that I was presented with that propelled the story forward.  I am at a point in my "blank page" that I need to look for those same gifts that will serve to put me exactly where I am supposed to be, if not where I want to be.

If leaving Halstead, or going back in the classroom is the change that happens, I will use what I have learned from my time there and my time as a technology teacher and write the next chapter, always looking for the gifts along the way.  I can't imagine that the best is yet to be but I'm sure when Ava was trying to push aside the dreams she was having and keeping Jack at arms length, she too didn't know what lay ahead for her.

In the meantime, I am trying to stay hopeful and positive in a time of change and will use these "life lessons" in my next book which I am beginning to work on.  I think this will be a nice distraction for me and I can't wait to see what all of these blank pages in my life and in my next story turn into!

Stay tuned!

Gifts

Throughout the writing process I was given little "gifts" that came about unexpectedly and helped to move the story along and renew the writing for me.  The first one was when Shannon Smith suggested I add 1117 into the story. (see previous post).  Without that suggestions I may have been stuck with 140 typed pages, no ending and no where to go from there.  While going back through the story and finding just the right places to add in 1117, I was able to revise and edit and make changes that then, as in a ripple effect, would cause changes in other places in the story. 

Through the winter of 2012 I focused on expanding the story, making it longer and more detailed in places. When I would run into a slump, a time where I just had no idea what else to write or add into the story, I would often go back to researching.  I haven't mentioned researching much, which is odd because, researching was one of my favorite parts of writing the story. When I was writing the first "concept" of the story- the horror story- I was researching England legends and superstitions and overall English history.  I had files of information taken from websites that I discovered could possibly be included in the story.  Once I ditched that story idea I had to also ditch all of that research. 

So when I shifted my focus to love on the lake, I began to look more into Rudyard Lake and the surrounding town.  Having already combed over the Rudyard Lake website, I began to look into other things in the area.  The next "gift" I was given was the Rudyard Lake Steam Railway.  I knew about the railway very early and kept it filed away in the back of my head.  One day, while looking over the website again and viewing pictures of the Rudyard Lake Railway, I knew I wanted to include it in the story- the proverbial light bulb glowed in my head.  Once again, trudging back into the story, I found places where I could weave the railway in and make it an integral part of the story.  The Rudyard Railway was one of my favorite "gifts" and I love how I was able to tie it together throughout the story!  THIS is the thrilling part of writing for me! 

Mid-winter 2013 the story was still called Reverie.  I spent a lot of time reminding myself that a Reverie was a daydream and it just didn't fit with the story.  However, I really liked the word!  I liked the sound of it, especially as a title.  I have always been partial to one word book titles for some reason.  I just wasn't ready to let that go as the title.  Until- my next "gift"- the Double Sunset! 

After the Railway was put into the story, my next research mission was to find out more about the surrounding towns, particularly Leek.  While reading about this charming town I came upon a mention of the double sunset- a rare phenomenon in which the sun sets twice on the same night from a specific place. I was fascinated and began to read more. I was also beginning to think of how I could incorporate this into the story and I found that it fit in perfectly in so many different ways.  If you've read Double Sunset you will have to let me know if you think it just fit with the story.  
Here are some links to more information about the real Double Sunset in Leek, UK. 
http://www.leekonline.co.uk/sunset/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_sunset

http://www.mikeoates.org/mas/leek/sunset.htm

This picture is from the last website above.

As I fit the idea of the double sunset into the story it kept creeping up that this would be a perfect title for the book.   I wasn't sold on the idea and struggled right up to the very day I published about keeping it as the title.  Thinking back I can't imagine any other title for the story and I am glad I didn't try to change it, it's perfect. 

There were many many more "gifts" that would present themselves to me just when I needed them, that also had a significant role in making Double Sunset what it is.  The whole publishing process was full of unexpected twists and turns that allowed me to keep pushing forward to the end. 

I will be forever thankful for these "gifts", some might call them coincidences but I prefer to think of them as a special intervention that kept me focused and on track to finish and publish. 

Next thoughts- putting an ending on the story...finally!

1117- a very special number in my life

I was 18 when my mom's mother, my Mom-Mom, died.  I was very close with her and thankfully remember her well.  She and my Mom were very close and when my grandmother was dying, she had a conversation with my mom in which she told her she would send her a sign that everything was ok.  My mom waited a long time for a sign but just couldn't figure out what it was.  Little by little she started noticing that should see the number 1117 a lot.  November 17th is my mom's birthday.  The more she paid attention to it, the more she realized that this number had a way of popping up during times of great sadness as well as happy times.  She began to realize that this was her mother's way of telling her everything was ok and she was there. 

My mom told me about this and when I heard of all the times that she would see this number I knew it wasn't just coincidence.  One of the first times I remember really feeling the impact on it was during my daughter's birth.  I asked what time it was and was told it was 11:17.  That cannot be a coincidence!!  Since then I have seen the number in many different places. Basically where ever a number can be, I have seen it. Sometimes I see it several times a day, sometimes several times a week, but there are very few weeks that go by that I do not see it at least once. When life is full of challenges I see it more often and equally as much during happy and exciting times.  I never look for it, but I don't have to, it just appears.  I could recount story after story of ways Mom-Mom has said "hi" to me.  
Here is just one example recently:
I was going to a Gavin Degraw concert in December and had to drive to Virginia to pick up a friend and then drive to the concert. I was excited and looking forward to the concert.  There is a sign very near my house that displays how many miles and minutes it is to the next major highway.  It always says 11 miles 16 minutes.  Every time I look at it that is what it says.  This day, however it said 11 miles 17 minutes.  I smiled, as I always do, and said, "Hi Mom-Mom", and knew she was traveling with me!  Oh how she would have loved to hear my Gavin Degraw concert stories!!  

Whether you are a believer in these types of things or not, I cannot for one minute doubt it. There have just been too many times in the past 15 years that she has been with me in the form of this number.  It is comforting and reassuring and makes me believe a little more in life after death.  

So it was only appropriate that I would include 1117 in Double Sunset, a story that walks a fine line of life after death possibilities. So being the believer that I am, I added this number into the story and it became an integral part of Ava's life, particularly at the end.

I like to think that Mom-Mom was there with me helping me to finish and publish this book and she was loving every minute of it! As I wrote I was often given little gifts along the way that helped propel the story forward.  Adding 1117 into the story was just this type of gift that helped to shape the lives of Ava and Jack, Katherine and John! 

Thanks Mom-Mom! I love you!

Next time I will detail the other "gifts" that were simply presented to me as I wrote which helped make the story what it is now. 

P.s As I emailed myself the picture of my grandmother from my phone to add here, I looked at my emails and yup you guessed it- 1117! Yes, my friends, THAT is how it works!!

Summer Slump and Sharing

Being a teacher, I love me some summer!  It is one of the perks of the job....until you realize that you aren't getting a paycheck for those 10 glorious weeks you aren't working.

Going in to the summer of 2012 I had lofty goals! Well actually going in to every summer I do.  You see around this time of year, anything that can possibly be put off is added to the summer "to do" list.  Well 2012 was no different and one of my goals was to work on the story. I had a shell but it needed so much more- including an ending.  I still had no idea how this story was going to end. 

Well I can fast forward to the fall of 2012 and tell you that nothing happened during the summer of 2012, I did not write at all- it was almost as if the story was put back into the recesses of my brain and became one of those things that I may or may not get back to.  Also during August, I began another journey to get healthy (see my previous blog www.runin2it.blogspot.com). I was so focused on what I was doing that I now had another reason to casually forget about writing. 

So the fall rolls around and I am back to my regular routine of teaching and raising my girls. And I missed my story, I missed Ava and Jack and I wanted to see where their lives were going to go.   So about mid-September I started writing again.  This was probably the hardest point for me because I was struggling with finding an ending and making it longer.  I started to research lengths of books and how many Word document pages would there be in a printed book.  I read a few blogs of other writers and a few blogs and articles about writing style.  I learned a few tips and tricks and started revising some of what I had already written.  While doing that, I was able to add a little bit more to the story and I was beginning to live in that world again.

I believe it was around October of 2012 that I decided, on a whim, to get a little feedback from a trusted friend.  It wasn't something that I gave any thought to- I didn't look at my list of friends and go eenie meanie meini mo. I simply thought one day- I bet Shannon Smith would like to read it.  Shannon and I had taught together and I knew she was an avid reader, particularly of this genre. Above all, I trusted her.  So I sent her an email telling her I had written a book and asked if she would be interested in reading it.  Before I knew what I was doing, the copy had been sent to her and I sat chewing my nails completely out of my comfort zone. I sent her over 150 pages typed and she read it in one night. Shannon then became one of my biggest cheerleaders.  It was a very surreal experience to have some feedback about the story I had written and to be able, for the first time, to have a conversation about the characters. Then Shannon said, "you need to include 1117."  WOW of course I had to include that, why hadn't I thought of that! 

So with a renewed excitement I began to go back through the story and add in 1117.  I wasn't sure exactly how it was going to fit into the story but I just added it in where I could and began to think on it. I can't thank Shannon enough for her enthusiasm and encouragement as I trudged head on back into the story. 

By December (a year after I started) I was becoming a little more confident in the story and decided to share what I was doing with my family.  We were going out to dinner again for my Dad's birthday, at the same restaurant where we went the first day I began writing.  I was hoping all day that I would see the Hollins Market picture, I wanted to get a picture of it.  Sure enough we sat at the same table and the picture was still there! 

I had been thinking for awhile about telling my family and this was my perfect opportunity. To say I was nervous was a complete understatement.  I had no idea how they were going to react, I didn't even know how I was going to tell them.  I can't remember what I said, but I do remember shaking and blushing when I told them.  It felt like I was sharing some deep dark secret.  

So with my story a little more out there I knew there was no looking back.  I often think that I waited to share the story with anyone until I knew that I would finish it in some way.  I had about 170 pages, a sketchy ending and with some revising and editing I knew I could make it better.  My family was extremely supportive but I don't think they had any idea what to expect.  Since it was still in Word form I knew my mother wouldn't be able to read it on the computer.  My sister, Amy, said that she could be my editor.  I don't think she realized that I would accept that offer! :0

So now that the cat was out of the bag, I had the winter to get it finished.  I was excited, and scared and completely immersed in the world of Rudyard Lake going into the Winter of 2013.

My next steps were to figure out how to revise and make it longer. Publishing it entered my mind a few times during the fall and winter, mainly because I was interested in knowing how many pages published it would be.  I knew that the average novel had about 300-350 pages published.  I found out that a 300 page published novel is about 75,000 words.  I had somewhere around 40,000.  I still had a lot of words to go and this is what propelled me forward!

Next post- The number 1117 is a big part of Ava's story and a big part of my life.